Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
