Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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