Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
