you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
