Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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