we have pet lesbian snakes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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