meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
