i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
