My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
