haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
