So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
