last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
