dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
