Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
