She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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