Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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