It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
