I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
