Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
