we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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