I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
