Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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