He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
