i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
