It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
