I think my fart just growled at me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
