I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
