ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
