As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
