I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
