it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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