dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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