I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
