Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
