the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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