Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
