she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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