Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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