someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
