A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
