maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i think i just lost a toe
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