hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're a waste of cheezeits
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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