Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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