I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I cockslap morals
just tell him i said nine months
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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