Who wears a wallet chain?!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
