Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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