I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
