the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
