do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
