My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That accounts for only three of the penises
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
