Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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