I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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