I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
