Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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