But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize