I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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