do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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