Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
