note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i think my cat just said my name.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
