R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
