I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
