be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
