I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
