The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
