She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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