You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
