I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
