I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
