i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
